I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
and she was petting her beer can
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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