i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i dont even know how to be here
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize