I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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