I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
