i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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