um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I want a musical about memes.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
