So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
