Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage