community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.