I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
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i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
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He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing