You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
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Can you rollerblade?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.