why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance