Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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