when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
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I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
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if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.