barbara walters just said penis...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN