This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate