you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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