dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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