My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
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I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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