the new term for farting is butt boxing.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
