fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
