white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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