Just fell off a train. Bad.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
