I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
