this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize