You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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