Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
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There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
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She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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