I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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