I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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