I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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