I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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