A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
someone owes me an orgasm
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
