So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
