she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
