I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
