Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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