No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
