Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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