he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
