Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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