And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
no you cant smoke seaweed
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
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she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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