I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
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WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
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Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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