So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.