this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!