Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
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omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
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Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday