dude i'm inner monologue high
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot