gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
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You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day