i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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