Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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