I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
