Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
