How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
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after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
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all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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