Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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