Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
