He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Holy shit dude........stairs
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