did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
