At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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