You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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