Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
