He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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